Admonished

I had to cool way down before I could type this post because I was angry. I was "sin in my anger" angry. I've confessed that sin, asked for and received forgiveness, and now I need to share what I learned. God has a way of being not so subtle with me. When he wants me to figure something out, it is right there, pretty much slapping me in the face. Let's just hope I learned this lesson.
We all know that I had pretty major surgery last October to repair my misaligned knee. It has not been fun. To be more specific, it has been one of the most trying 4 months of my life. Not THE most trying, but I'd rate it in the top 5. I am not good at feeling useless. I don't like it. After about 9 weeks on crutches with no weight bearing, another 2 weeks with partial weight bearing and now about 5 weeks of limping around, I'm tired. Enough is enough. One of my profs from college always said "under redundant, see redundant." (It took me a LONG time to figure out what that meant, but I got it, Dr. O!) I just want to be well! So, I start whining and being full of self-pity and then that makes me mad, because I despise those traits. (Gross picture over there, but it helps me prove my point, my leg was huge, nasty, bruised and swollen. Seriously, that's like 3x my normal leg size....)
My surgeon is excellent. The operation was performed with excellence. Everything that he has done, post-op, has been top notch. It's been me! I've been the one who keeps messing everything up. So, I can see why, when I went in for this last appointment after re injuring myself, yet again, he was pretty tough with me. Now I see it. Wednesday? Not so much.
I'll get to the point. My doctor was pretty upset that I messed up my knee. He told me that I was not behaving with prudence and that it needs to stop. That I need to be more cautious, etc. I immediately went on the defensive, stating that all I was doing was just standing there and someone bumped into me! What was I supposed to do? I was fuming, hurt & defeated and I'm not sure what he responded with but he said that he will see me at my next appointment and walked out. I apologized as he left, just saying "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" and just hung my head in shame. I sat in that room for what seemed like eternity just soaking it all in. I was just ADMONISHED. I don't remember the last time that has happened except from someone I love and cherish but certainly not a doctor! I still had to wait for some paperwork to be filled out so I stood in the hall and waited. Here is where I sinned...the Dr. just flitted from room to room and I stood there watching and glaring. I glared! How childish of me! And then I complained to the nurse. Again, real Christ-like Matthews. Nice. And then I complained to everyone I saw for the rest of the day. My mom even got an hour phone call about it. (of course, I love my Dad's reaction...he said he would come to my next appointment carrying a "case" and scare this man who dared speak to his daughter that way. Thanks Dad!). Here's the deal....I so deserved it. I haven't been acting with prudence. This is the dictionary's definition of the word:

1.	the quality or fact of being prudent.

2.	caution with regard to practical matters; discretion.

3.	regard for one's own interests.

4.	provident care in the management of resources; economy; frugality.

The synonyms include: calculation, foresight, & forethought.
This is not how I was behaving. Sure, I was limiting my activities. I didn't go snowmobiling or sledding, although I did take a picture on one (notice the cane?). I cancelled field trips that would have required to much walking...if I wanted to. I rested each afternoon, if it fit my schedule. I used the "but I have 4 kids" excuse all the time. Get the picture?
Well, then God decided to add a little bit of his own word into all this. Yesterday's scripture reading was this:

The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it. Proverbs 27:12

Today's??? Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. 1 Corinthians 10:12

So, I am going to apologize to the good doctor at my next appointment, if not sooner. And I will now behave with prudence. Help me!!!!