Scheming

I think one of the reasons I like to be so busy is that it gives me absolutely no time to think.

When I start to think, I start to scheme. Some people call it planning, I call it scheming.

I've been struggling with contentment of late and I'm just not sure where it is stemming from. I just can't settle down. Nothing seems to "fit". Have you ever been there?

I want to be a doctor when I grow up. That doesn't seem to be working out. Everyone keeps telling me how impossible med school will be with 7 children.

I don't think they understand how impossible MOST days are with 7 children!

I get that. I'm just not ready to give up on that dream 100% yet. So there's option #1. Keep taking the classes I need to take the MCAT and get into med school. I have 3 classes left.

Option #2 is a master's program in bioethics. I was accepted into one for this fall...the problem is I can't justify spending a few thousand on a program that I don't know what I would do with when I graduate. As in...how would I earn any money once I have this degree? They did offer me a nice scholarship but....it isn't med school. Besides, I already sent in my "no thank you not this year" card so...really...that's no longer an option.

Option #3 is do nothing. Well, do nothing for a year. All the BSN programs I looked into require you to apply a year in advance. I was a little preoccupied in the NICU this spring and didn't get the applications in. Plus...there is that whole "it's not med school" issue. I just don't known if I want to be a nurse. Nurses are wonderful, don't get me wrong, I just don't know if it's where I'm supposed to be!

Option #4 is to really do nothing. Just stop going to school and concentrate on being a Mom. I've honestly never done that before. I mean...I've ALWAYS been a Mom since I became I Mom (I'm tired, cut me some slack) but I've never just been a stay at home Mom. I either worked full time, babysat to make ends meet (after Elijah was born) or home schooled or went to school myself. I don't know what that would be like. I don't know if it suits me.

I do realize how ridiculous I'm being. I do know there are tons of moms who would give anything to be able to stay home with their babies...or to even HAVE babies...and here I am whining about not being content with what I have.

I told you I was even annoying myself these days!

So, what's a girl to do...I'll let you know soon enough.