Mourning Princess

(warning: I feel a bit silly writing about this...just know that the feelings are real for my little man).

Princess Snowflake of Squeakland passed away today at 1:43p.m.

There have been non-stop tears ever since.

E noticed this morning that Princess was acting kind of funny. I went in to check on her and saw that she was shaking violently and working pretty hard to breathe.

E started to panic. He was just crying "we have to do something! We HAVE to do SOMETHING!" So, being the good Mom that I am, I got on the phone and called the Vet. Of course, our local vet does not treat hamsters. Joy. The closest one that does is 30 minutes away.

We made an appointment for 1:00.

E didn't leave Princess alone.

We actually arrived at the Vet's office a full hour early because Ethan just can't stand it. He sits there patiently, with his hamster in his lap, just talking to her soothingly. My heart starts to slowly break for him.

Fast forward an hour. The Vet comes in to see sweet Princess.

This is when it gets a little...well....odd. Surreal perhaps?

The vet was so, SO good with Ethan. She talked to him (not me) and told him exactly what was going on with his little one. She told him that she had a tumor and that her lungs were filling with fluid. That she had cancer. Well, Ethan just LOST it at that point. Uncontrollable sobbing. The Vet told me that we could put her to sleep or just take her home so she can die. She steps out so E and I can talk.

He is cradling his little hamster like she is a baby. I explained to him what it meant to put an animal to sleep.....trying to tell him that Princess was in pain and that she wouldn't be in pain much longer...but he just sobbed, "I know she is pain (sob) but I just (sob) love her so much (SOB SOB (that one was me)) and I want to have as many days with her as I can (sob...sniff....)."

I said, "Ok, E, we'll take her home".

We sat for a minute or 2 and I took a couple of pictures. E spoke soothingly to Princess and kept telling her how much he loved her and how these last 2 years were the best of his life and how she didn't need to worry because he would protect her and keep her safe...

then I noticed that she wasn't blinking anymore.

Princess had died in E's little hands, wrapped up snug, and safe, and warm.

I won't lie to ya. We both wept. Me for my little man and this horrible lesson in life he had to learn and E for his friend. His beloved.

The Vet made a little paw print sculpture for E and gave him a little poem about animal death. They put Princess in a syringe box and sent us on our way.

So, my 8 year old sweet heart is in mourning. And his Mama really doesn't know what to do for him.

I have pictures of him holding her in those final moments....sigh....

I told you I feel really silly writing about this...but the feeling of loss for my son was just too profound to ignore.

We are getting ready to go bury her now. Feel free to send your condolences. :)