Dragging my feet

I'm beginning to think that something is seriously wrong with me in regards to this final piece of paper we need to submit our dossier to America World and officially begin the wait for our referral. I want this little girl...I dream about her...long for her...so what has kept me from hunting for this one little bitty piece of paper? I don't get it. I finally ordered the form today. It should get here in the next couple of days and that will be it. I hope. This tiny piece of paper finalizes the decision to adopt from El Salvador, once we send that in, that's it. Which is what I want, right? My heart screams yes!!!! My head, well, right now it's just screaming from a battle of wills with my 2 year old.
I'm wondering if I'm just scared. Sounds silly, I know. I've been a Mom four times over now. Not a perfect Mom, by any means. I guess just the prospect of adding a 5th child scares me! Even knowing that this is God's intention for our lives, having full confidence in that, I'm scared. Forgive me for dragging my feet God! Silly me, thinking I can control your plan for our lives. Even Moses was afraid and look what you did through him!
And when you read this post, dear friends, know that I am so excited about our daughter, it's just that sometimes this process is overwhelming and tiring. But, then I see my friends who have made it home with their blessings and I know it is so worth it.
This weekend our pastor is preaching on adoption, not just being adopted into an earthly home but a heavenly home. Isn't that what this is all about? The ultimate goal of reaching just one more for Christ? I'm excited, also, because I get to share a song with our church called "Orphans of God" by Avalon, which has exquisite lyrics. If you are in the area, stop by. I'm excited to hear what God is going to say this weekend!
I'll let you know when I finally get that stamp of approval that says Johnny and I aren't criminals!